FAT CRIM'S SHAME: Landeryou loots food from floods

Morbidly obese criminal Andrew Landeryou has been too drunk and too lazy to update his blog for most of the past three weeks, yet has ordered his mentally retarded gimp “Sergeant” Sasha Uzunov to Queensland to steal food from flood victims.

Police and emergency workers have reported several sightings of a clearly backward man in camo gear with an Alfoil-covered colander on his head looting flooded KFCs as the tragic events of recent days.

“We didn’t shoot the bloke because it was obvious he was a retard,” one told Slanderyou New. “We didn’t realise this was something systematic.”

Patriotic people in Victoria are well aware that the criminal Landeryou uses the mentally-impaired Uzunov as an associate in his crimes, especially after photographs emerged of the Sarge committing contempts of court on the fat man's behalf minutes after he had been injuncted by Les Twentyman's wife in the Sunshine Magistrates Court.

But both are unknown in what was once the Sunshine State, so police and the emergency services have not put two and two together.

A Fat Cave insider however confirmed to Slanderyou New that the morbidly obese crim had despatched his retard minion to Queensland with orders to return with as much KFC as possible.

“KFC is KFC to Andrew,” the source said. “When he’s had a few litres of Rutherglen Rotgut he doesn’t care if it is cold, stale or mouldy. Indeed, the evidence suggests that he eats mouldy KFC pretty regularly.

“The mould that grows on rotting KFC has hallucinogenic affects and it is obvious from the bizarre and blatantly untrue material that appears on Vexnews that Andrew is completely out of mind for most of the time.”
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