Andrew Landeryou's lewd and lascivious cavortings

While the hard-working, patriotic and law-abiding readers of Slanderyou New were sleeping the sleep of the righteous last Friday, morbidly obese thief, fraudster and sex pervert Andrew Landeryou was engaging in lewd and lascivious cavortings at Melbourne's inaugural fat burlesque event, held in a seedy underground venue in the inner-city.

Andrew Landeryou weighs more than this bevy of beauties put together

"This unbelievably obese person turned up," an organiser speaking on condition of anonymity told Slanderyou New. "We couldn't work out if it was a he or a she. It was pissed as a parrot, kept wolfing down KFC, but performed three different routines under three different names: Cait 'Pussy' Catt, 'Randy' Rita Randles, the Voodoo Queen, and 'Slut' Shirley.

"The performances were outrageous and exuberant and became steadily more and more obscene. We're not running a porn show and didn't want any trouble with the Vice Squad, so we had to ask the individual to leave, particularly after the act began to involve acts of a sexual nature with a little dog called Ronnie and this weird retard-looking bloke who was wearing Diggers Disposals camos and an Alfoil covered pudding bowl on his head and kept taking pictures.

"The obese person got very angry and aggressive, calling us 'leftards', 'wets', 'Greens' and 'Kathy Jackson lovers' and threatened that ASIO would learn of our activities from Vexnews, whatever that may be.

"It was only after we got he or she out of the premises we noticed that the night's takings from the door had vanished."
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