Fat crook Andrew Landeryou in perverse prison preparations smallgoods shame

The law abiding patriots who bring you Slanderyou New were deeply distressed to receive this email over the weekend:

Dear Slanderyou New

I am a hard-working manufacturer of artisan smallgoods. I do not want to give my name, but suffice to say I have been featured in The Age's "Epicure" liftout on many occasions, as well as publications such as Gourmet Traveller, D'Lish, MasterChef Magazine and Vogue Entertaining.

I was bemused to receive a call from what sounded like a very drunk man calling himself Andrew and speaking with his mouth full a few weeks ago lodging an order. I was tempted to dismiss it, but the detail of the specific length and girth and hardness of the sausage products he demanded made me reconsider. I believed I was dealing with a connoisseur and wanted to prove my worth.

I called Andrew when the orders were complete. Yet again he sounded drunk and was slurring his words and appeared to be speaking with his mouth full, but said he would send "the Sergeant" around to collect the goods.

I was somewhat shocked when 90 minutes later a clearly retarded man wearing a colander on his head, army disposals camouflage gear and carrying at least 20 toy cameras draped around his neck arrived.

"I'm here for my master Mistah Shirley's order," he told me as the drool darkened his "uniform". "Good eating," I replied, stunned and saddened at the sight of the retard and his clearly hopelessly backward nature.

I was even more stunned when the retard replied "Oh no Sir. These are not for eating. These are exact replicas of the massive man meats of Brutus Beefcake and the other leading lights of the Hot Rodding Men of Barwon Jail. My master Mr Shirley is going to prison sometime soon and knows he will be packed raped up the jacksy. He has ordered these so he can savage my sphincter with them to get some idea of the turmoil and trauma that will be caused by the inevitable regular anal assaults he faces."

I was so stunned and startled that I accepted a cheque in payment against my usual policy and let the retard leave my premises as I sought to collect my thoughts. The cheque bounced. 

I called the police. All they would say is "We know who you're talking about. Sorry mate, but he has powerful political protection. We thought things might change when Ted came to power, but it's been no go."

Still startled days later I fed the words "Andrew Shirley Hot Rodders retard with a colander on his head" into Google and was immediately directed to your site.

Now I properly understand the story of Andrew Landeryou and his sometime wife the perjurer Dim I feel your readers should know of this latest outrage, hence my communication.

Yours sincerely and hoping Andrew Landeryou goes to prison before he can inflict more pain on poor Sasha Uzunov.

A decent member of the Victorian community.
.
.