Amazing true facts about Andrew Landeryou and family as revealed by the law abiding and patriotic: Part III

As revealed exclusively by Slanderyou New, Big Bent Bill prostituted his wife to raise funds for illegal and unconstitutional branch stacking activities. He also let his fellow corrupt members of Centre Unity have their way with her. It was in one of these sessions that the prostitute obsessed George Seitz fathered young Andrew.

Not content with pimping out his wife to raise funds for illicit activities Big Bent Bill Landeryou prostituted young Andrew to paedophiles. He bought his son's silence with KFC, creating the intense psycho sexual relationship the sleazy blogger has with the fatty food.

Such was the frequency with which young Andrew was prostituted out and given KFC that he became morbidly obese at an early age. As he became fatter and fatter, he could only be pimped out to the most perverse of paedophiles. More and more KFC followed.

By the age of 11 Andrew Landeryou was so obese that his penis vanished amongst folds of flab. He has not seen it since.

Ever since then Landeryou has had to strip off and stand in a shower to urinate. His micturations come trickling out amongst the flab. He then showers to clean himself.

Naturally, this was a source of great and deep humiliation at both school and university.

Landeryou, now in his mid forties, has not seen his penis in more than 30 years. He has never experienced an orgasm or used his virile member in any erotic or sensual way.

The lower reaches of Andrew Landeryou before his most recent weight gain

The more he turns to the bottle in his failure the worse his becomes. Fatcave sources say that Landeryou now pisses himself where he sits and forces his mentally subnormal gimp "Sergeant" Sascha Uzunov to attempt to towel the crevices clean.

Landeryou's three decade long disconnect from his manhood may also explain why he went through an evil parody of the sacrament of marriage with the notorious female impersonator Kimberley Kitching, but that will have to wait until the next extract in this patriotic and law abiding series. 








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